demons and dogwoods // open

[Cayden Thomas Murphy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #335588 solid; border-bottom: 10px #335588 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 1132 ( TAGGED ) open ( WOLF FORM ) CLICKY Cayden didn't even see the blow coming. Henry Murphy's fist came at him out of the blue and struck his cheek with full impact. The force of it spun him around as he fell to his hands and knees on the hardwood floor. Dazed and breathing heavily, he stayed where he was, watching a slow drip of blood plop onto the patterned wood. Despite his best efforts, a tear joined the blood. Then another. It had gotten progressively worse over the years. After Laura's death, Henry was simply apathetic. He just sat around and stared at nothing, and Cayden had figured he was just stunned and hurting. Then the muttering had started. Then the unkind words. Then the yelling. Before long, Henry had graduated to throwing things. For the past couple years, he'd perfected the art of throwing punches or kicks instead of whiskey tumblers and table lamps. As hard as he tried, Cayden couldn't understand why. By now, he knew it wasn't his fault. He knew he wasn't the horrible person his dad thought he was. But he still couldn't figure out why this always happened. He couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that it had gotten quite this bad. He thought it was a bit like the tide. You didn't realize how deep the water was getting until you were drowning in it. "Piece of shit. You can't even take a punch like a man. You think you can move out and live on your own like an adult? Then you can stand up and face me like one." The sheer disdain in Henry's voice should have hurt in some way, shouldn't it? Shouldn't Cayden feel something? Instead, he was just tired. He was tired of dealing with this crap. Tired of the insults and the bruises. Tired of trying to impress a man who wanted nothing to do with him. He didn't even know why he tried. That sense of detached apathy prodded him to turn around and sit on his backside, torso propped on his outstretched arms behind him. It also prodded him to open his mouth when he'd kept it shut before. "What do you care?" His voice sounded petulant and small to his own ears. At least it hadn't cracked like a thirteen-year-old's. For a long moment, Henry and Cayden simply stared at one another, Cayden holding back tears and scowling defiantly, Henry looking truly confused and thoughtful. After a full minute, Henry's expression cleared, then the silence was broken by a very quiet "I don't." Cayden didn't know how two barely heard words could have such an impact on him. He stopped breathing and his throat threatened to close completely. All the time since his mother's death, Cayden had never asked that one simple question. He'd only voiced it now in reflex; as something to say back to a man who wouldn't listen - an immature act of rebellion. He had thought his father hated him. That was hard enough to live with. It was hell to realize every day that the one person who should love you unconditionally, who should be there for you no matter what, honestly and truly hated you. This was worse. Hate was an emotion. Hate would mean the man felt something for his son. This cold detachment was something else, as if Cayden was nothing to him. In that one moment that seemed to stretch out forever, Cayden believed him. Henry truly cared nothing for him. Not even enough to hate him. Numbness started to creep into Cayden from every angle. Inside and out. It didn't matter. He pushed himself to his feet without taking his eyes from his father's, without feeling the blood that still dripped from his lip and cheekbone, and without feeling the tears that coated his eyelashes. In truth, he didn't feel much of anything except for a mild curiosity. He wondered if this numbness was what it felt like to be in Henry's shoes. It was a scary thought, but Cayden was beyond the ability to feel fear. Without a word, he turned and started walking toward the back door. There was nothing left for him here and he wouldn't be coming back. He gently opened the rickety screen door for the last time, and he paused without turning. He knew Henry didn't care. He knew Henry might not even be listening. Still, he wasn't half as emotionless as his father and he wouldn't pretend to be. Barely raising his voice above a whisper, he spoke to his dad for the last time. "I'm a part of her, you know? I used to hate myself for it, but I don't anymore. Now it's a way for me to be close to her. It's a way for me to know her. Now, if I decide to hate myself, it will be for the parts I got from you." He started to move through the door, but paused again. He took a deep breath and said the hardest and easiest part of all. "Despite everything, I still love you, Dad." With that, he was gone, not trusting himself to stay a second longer. Cayden made it as far as the backyard fence before feeling started to creep back into him. It started somewhere in the vicinity of his heart. He ran as fast as he could, as if he could outrun the cold certainty of his father's voice. I don't... I don't... I don't... I don't... It was all he could hear over the rushing of the wind in his ears. Those two little words started to crush him. Who knew that "nothing" could be so very heavy? The absence of caring from the one person he needed it from was weighing in on him from all sides, threatening to suffocate him. Slowly, his steps started to falter. He didn't even know where he was. By instinct, he called out the very first howl a wolf learns. "Where are you?" Only this time, it was only part howl. Underneath the pure notes of a wolf's call, there was a very human cry of pain. Hearing that in his own voice, his steps faltered in truth and he collapsed at the base of a dogwood tree. His fingers scraped the smooth bark and he was almost surprised to see claws. He looked up at the tree and wondered how something could be so alive when he felt so dead. Nothing in this world should hold beauty anymore. His fingers flexed, claws digging deep furrows into the tree. Then he punched and clawed the tree with recklessness, tearing at the living wood like he wanted to tear Henry's influence from himself. outfit

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; background-image:url(http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j342/Rockiesaurus/black.png), bTable] 372, Cayden Thomas Murphy OUTFIT ! Connie's heart was broken. Her uncle, the one who raised her after her mother died, had just... Just... She shook her head. She wouldn't think about it. No, she wasn't broken. Cracked, maybe a little hurt, but not broken. She'd been wandering about town for hours, not really knowing where she was going. She hadn't really been looking for anything to do, just needing to walk and clear her head. Her house seemed lonely now, since her uncle had stopped visiting, and she didn't want to be there alone anymore. At least, not right then. She sang a quiet song under her breath as she walked out to the forest. Maybe she would shift, and run as wolf for awhile. That would cheer her up some, make her feel better. She always felt better when she let the wolf out to play. She froze, though, when she heard the howl. Coming out of a human throat, it was a sound full of pain and anguish, a call for a lost one to come home, though it was cut off short. Connie started to jog, then run, following where the sound had come from. Did someone need help? Was someone else hurting? If she helped someone else, she'd stop hurting too. Right? When she rounded a bend in a path, she saw a familiar form slumped at the base of a dogwood tree. Punches flew, claws out and tearing at the bark. Connie ran forward, grabbing Cadyen's wrists. She didn't know how the poor boy would react, she had left Orion when he was still so young, but she still cared for him. Cared for everyone in Orion. "Cayden! Cayden, stop!" She reached out, trying to gather him close. She sliced open her left palm on one of his claws, trying to keep him from hurting himself further. She paid no attention to the wound, it wasn't too deep, and she'd heal. "Cayden, honey, what's wrong? What's the matter?" If he were to turn to attack her, she could still jump back. But sometimes, touch was the only way to calm a wolf down when they were like this. Comforting words, calm hands. She wanted to help him. But would he let her?

BY GABE IS A FWEAK AT CAUTION !

[Cayden Thomas Murphy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #335588 solid; border-bottom: 10px #335588 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 793 ( TAGGED ) open ( WOLF FORM ) CLICKY Cayden's fingers ached, but he didn't stop his fierce battle against a tree that had done nothing to him except remind him of what was lost. The trunk of the tree was smeared with blood and he clawed at that, too, as if he could wash it away with even more blood. So far it wasn't working and he knew in the back of his mind that clawing at a tree wasn't going to fix one damn thing in his life. It was pointless. He was damaged goods and nothing in his life was ever going to make sense. It was never going to get better. His dad couldn't care less if he lived or died, his mom was dead, his best friend had vanished, his girlfriend had run off to find her brother, the pack was broken, and he was truly and totally alone. It was a foreign realization. Alone. He'd always had someone to talk to, someone who was there to share things with. A pack. He still had a pack but the dynamic had changed so much that it didn't feel right. Things weren't the same and he didn't know how to adjust. Henry's declaration was just icing on the cake. Cayden thought that if there was one thing he could rely on, it was his father's hatred. Even that had failed him. Weren't at least some things in life supposed to make sense? It didn't matter. He'd given up trying to make sense of anything anymore. It was time to throw in the towel and just screw life over the way it had screwed him over. A shout behind him sounded and it didn't even make him flinch. He was shutting down again, unable to handle the pain, the uncertainty, and the changes in his life. Hands grabbed for his wrists and he twisted, trying to make whoever it was let go. He didn't want to be coddled. He'd made his peace just a moment ago. An unease peace that sounded a lot like "fuck you, world." If nobody wanted him, he didn't want anybody else either. He didn't want help and he especially didn't want pity. He was stronger than that. He cried out, not wanting to hurt whoever it was, but still wanting to get away. "Stop!" It came out as yet another broken sob and he wasn't sure whether he was speaking to his captor or if he just wanted life in general to stop. Despite his protests, strong arms tried to pull him closer. Part of him wanted to keep running; to find somewhere nobody would find him and hide like he used to do after his mom was killed. The other part of him, perhaps the stronger part, wanted to curl into this embrace and didn't care who it was. He could pretend, even for a moment, that someone cared. But then, once that moment passed, he knew it would only hurt worse. "Cayden, honey, what's wrong? What's the matter?" He knew that voice. Connie? What was she doing here? Not that it mattered. He just wanted it to stop. All of it. Slowly, he stopped fighting. He didn't turn around. Nobody should have to see him like this. This was a part of himself that he'd hidden from everyone. He'd even tried to deny it to himself. He was damaged. He'd tried to pretend otherwise. He'd tried to live like everything was okay when it was so very far from it. But this was something people weren't supposed to see. They were supposed to see a happy, smiling, and joking guy who was over the loss of his mother and who may have a strained relationship with his father but not an abusive one. He was supposed to be growing up and becoming responsible. Not getting hysterical just because Henry was an ass. Cayden tried to slow his breathing and calm down, using the same techniques he would normally use on a full moon. He knew he had to look like hell warmed over but that didn't matter either. Turning his head just slightly, he spoke over his shoulder to the woman who held him as if she really did care. "I'm fine." It was a reflex answer, the same one he'd given for years when he was upset and someone asked if he was okay. Only this time, his voice was hoarse and he knew that nothing he said would make Connie believe he was truly alright. He still wanted to run and hide, but he just didn't have the energy left for it. He'd take her pity and whatever else she was offering, then by on his merry way so he could sulk in peace. outfit

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; background-image:url(http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j342/Rockiesaurus/black.png), bTable] 403, Cayden Thomas Murphy, OUTFIT ! Cayden was struggling against her, fighting against her hold even as she fought to keep him still. When he yelled stop, she only rested her head against the back of his and tried to keep him calm with just her touch. Connie couldn't get her voice through to him, not yet, so she just waited until it finally penetrated. She looked up at the dogwood tree and wanted to cry, just a little bit. Covered in blood, clawed up, Cayden had made a real attempt at tearing the tree down with nothing but his claws. Finally, his struggles slowed, and Connie pulled him a little closer, his back pressed against her chest, hoping he would relax now. Finally, he stopped struggling, but she didn't relax her grip on him. It was tight, not uncomfortable but it wouldn't be easy for him to break if he tried to get away. "I'm fine." The voice was so rough, Connie only snorted in response. "Yeah, you're about as fine as a pissed of badger." She only held him closer, putting her head on top of his and shifting just so so that he was nearly cradled in her lap, like she would hold an upset child. "You can't lie to me on a good day, Cayden. What's the matter?" Her hand she sliced open on his palm throbbed with pain, but she ignored it as it had quit bleeding during the struggles, already scabbing over. It wasn't a deep cut, and she wasn't worried about it. God, the boy was upset about something. If he didn't tell her soon, she didn't know what she'd do. She couldn't force it out of him, what a way to show the pack she could still be trusted. She wondered if it was his father. She knew Henry wasn't what he used to be since his wife was killed. If it was him, Connie was going to go over there and lash it out of his hide until he told her what he said to Cayden to make him so upset. Cayden, now that she had gotten him calmed down to get a good sniff, smelled too much like his father to not have just come from there. If Henry had something to do with it, Connie would be sure he'd learn not to do it again. She thought he was a coward for not doing better with his children.

BY GABE IS A FWEAK AT CAUTION !

[Cayden Thomas Murphy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #335588 solid; border-bottom: 10px #335588 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 531 ( TAGGED ) open ( WOLF FORM ) CLICKY As Cayden was held by a woman who used to scold him for stealing rawhides, all he wanted to do was go back to that time. Things were so much simpler back then. All he had to worry about was following the rules and having fun. Of course, thinking about what things were like then just made him even more aware of how screwed up it was now. How had things gotten out of control so much? It just seemed like it was all falling apart and nothing he could do would put it back together again. Maybe Cayden wasn't broken. Maybe it was everything else. No, it was definitely him. Everything he touched seemed to get destroyed. He looked at the tree he'd clawed up and it only seemed to emphasize that thought. "Yeah, you're about as fine as a pissed of badger." That actually startled an almost laugh out of him though there was no real amusement in it. He'd seen a pissed off badger and he had to admit to himself that it was a fairly accurate comparison. Cayden took a deep breath and licked his lip where he'd bitten himself. Canine teeth were useful at times, and right pain in the backside other times. Through sheer force of will, he forced them back to normal. His claws were gone, his eyes back to their normal brown color. Deep breaths. That was the key. Deep breaths and an apathetic lethargy that fooled him into thinking everything really was fine. "You can't lie to me on a good day, Cayden. What's the matter?" He really didn't want to talk about it. Every time the words "my daddy hits me" were on the edge of his tongue, he had this strange thought of some spoiled little princess whining about a boy stealingh her favorite toy. It sounded petulant and childish to his own ears and he figured it would sound that way to others, too. It was the sound of a tattletale in school who was always whining about what the other kids were doing. He didn't want to sound like that which meant he didn't want to talk about it because no matter what he said or how he worded it, that's what he would sound like. So instead of answering Connie directly, he simply turned in her arms to face her, but he didn't meet her eyes. He couldn't. He didn't want to see what they said. She was still holding him pretty firmly which he didn't blame her for, but it made it difficult to wipe any of the blood away. Or the tears. He didn't want her to see either of those things, but it was better than talking. He usually just stayed in until he healed so people wouldn't ask awkward questions. "He didn't think it was funny that I moved out." At least, that's what had started the argument. He really didn't want to get into the rest of the night, though he wondered what would be worse: talking about it or letting Connie assume that he bawled like a baby every time someone hit him. outfit

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; background-image:url(http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j342/Rockiesaurus/black.png), bTable] 338, Cayden Thomas Murphy OUTFIT ! Connie gave a small smile when Cayden let out a half-almost laugh at her assessment of his state. She was glad she had made him laugh, though the sound was bitten off and didn't sound amused. She loosened her grip some, not wanting to squish him. They sat there in silence for awhile, Connie forcing herself not to get angry as she smelled Henry all over Cayden. After awhile of silence, Cayden turned in her grip and she saw the bruise on his face, the blood from a split lip and what looked like was the start of a black eye. Connie shoved down the anger she felt as she let go with one hand and wiped the tears and blood gently from his cheek. He wouldn't quite meet her eyes. "He didn't think it was funny that I moved out." "I don't think it's funny he hits you. Unless, of course, you want to say the tree punched you in the face." She wiped the other side of his face as free of blood and tears as she could, then cupped his young face in her hands. "Cayden, why haven't you talked to someone about this?" Her voice was soft and soothing, and her grip was gentle but she was ready to reach out and snatch him back should he try to get away from her. Gently, she tilted his head up so they were eye to eye. She could see the pain there he tried so hard to hide from the world. She wanted to cry for him, but knew he wouldn't appreciate the gesture. Instead, she leaned down and kissed his forehead, like she used to do when he was a little thing and had hurt himself. "Tell me," She said softly. She didn't need to elaborate, he would understand she wanted to know what had happened. She would go after Henry right then, but she wanted to know exactly what had happened before she decided if she needed to skin him alive or not.

BY GABE IS A FWEAK AT CAUTION !

[Cayden Thomas Murphy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #335588 solid; border-bottom: 10px #335588 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 448 ( TAGGED ) open ( WOLF FORM ) CLICKY Cayden couldn't explain why, but Connie's tenderness was almost painful. Not in a physical way, but he'd forgotten what a mother's touch was supposed to feel like. It ripped him apart inside, knowing what he'd lost. He'd never killed anyone before, but if he found the hunter who killed his mom, they were dead. He often wondered how many things in his life would be different if she was still around. But Connie wasn't his mother. Nobody could take her place. She wasn't even in his pack anymore. Still, he didn't pull away from her touch. It reminded him that some people still cared. Connie was just like that. She was everybody's mom, in a way. Cayden stayed silent until gentle hands cupped his face. "I wouldn't blame the tree if it did." Another cop-out response, but he couldn't help it. Facing the situation with sarcasm was better than being honest about it. Sarcasm or not, he couldn't wipe the pain off his face as easy as the blood and tears. Some things ran a little deeper. Some things left scars. "Cayden, why haven't you talked to someone about this?" She tilted his chin up and looked her straight in the eye. She was the same Connie he remembered from his childhood, but there was an anger in her eyes now that wasn't there before. Then she kissed him on the forehead. It was worse than her tenderness before. It seemed like all the built up pain, the anguish he was trying so hard not to show just overflowed inside him. Tears welled in his eyes again and he couldn't make them stop. He forgot his attempts at nonchalance. Something had broken in him and he didn't know how to put it back together. "What was I supposed to say? That my dad hasn't had one kind word for me in twelve years? That he's been throwing things at me since I was thirteen? That every time he sees me, he tells me he wishes I was dead? How are you supposed to bring that up in casual conversation? Turns out he doesn't hate me after all, anyway. He doesn't care one way or another what the hell happens to me." By the end of his tirade he was crying freely again and he didn't care this time. "At least when I thought he hated me, I knew he felt something." He couldn't take looking at her anymore, and turned his head away again. Now it was out there. He'd said it. People always said it made them feel better to come clean about something. Well, they lied. outfit

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; background-image:url(http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j342/Rockiesaurus/black.png), bTable] 338, Cayden Thomas MurphyOUTFIT ! "I wouldn't blame the tree if it did." Connie sighed a little at his knee-jerk sarcastic response. Guilt rose as she remembered the boy he had used to be, and wondered if she had stayed in Orion, would any of this had happened? Probably. But maybe then someone would have been there for him. Maybe then, he wouldn't have been quite so alone. Her gentle kiss on his forehead broke him, and she felt something break in her as well as the words seem to pour from him, matching the speed of his tears. As he turned away from her, she reached out and drew him into another long, silent hug. She rested her head on top of his and rocked him gently, humming softly like she did with all the pups when they were hurt or sad. As he finished, he fell silent, and she hummed softly for a bit, just hoping to soothe him. He hadn't had a mother in so long, hadn't had someone to care for him. And the guilt Connie felt redoubled, and she ignored it, pushed it aside to cry over later. Right now she needed to be strong for Cayden, not pity herself. "I'm sorry, Cayden," She said softly as she quit humming to speak. She sighed, and wiped his tears away. "Part of me wants to sit here with you and just hold you like I used to when you hurt yourself. But most of me right now wants to go find your father and skin him alive." Anger bubbled again and she rested her head on the top of his to try and calm down. "I don't think either one of those is going to work for long though. So what do you say, Cayden? Let's go hunting. Killing a defenseless rabbit or twenty always makes me feel better." She leaned back and tried to give him a smile, knowing full well she couldn't hide the anger or grief from her eyes. "Maybe we can even catch a deer."

BY GABE IS A FWEAK AT CAUTION !

[Cayden Thomas Murphy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #335588 solid; border-bottom: 10px #335588 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 517 ( TAGGED ) open ( WOLF FORM ) CLICKY Finally, for the first time in a long time, Cayden let himself cry without anger or resentment. He wasn't crying because he was lost anymore or because he didn't know where to turn. Those things were still true, but that's not why he cried. No, there feeling safe in Connie's arms, he cried for the things that were gone. He cried for lost childhoods and lost friends. He cried for the things he knew he'd never get back. He'd grieved for his mother, but there were other things he'd lost that he'd never come to terms with. For all intents and purposes, he'd lost his father too. Carter wasn't around, Maya was gone, Collin was gone, the pack was torn to pieces... these things he'd never truly grieved over. He hadn't let himself because he thought he needed to be strong for everyone else. For the moment, he could admit to himself that he didn't know what strong and responsible were. Cayden started to calm down with Connie humming over the top of his head. It would hurt later, but for now he was content to let her mother him. "I'm sorry, Cayden." Turning just slightly, he gave her a funny look. What was she sorry for? He was the one snotting all over her shirt. He let her wipe his tears away again and closed his eyes. Yes, this would hurt later. Her tenderness was a reminder of what he didn't have any other time, but he appreciated it all the same. "Part of me wants to sit here with you and just hold you like I used to when you hurt yourself. But most of me right now wants to go find your father and skin him alive." He could hear the anger in her voice. She meant it. "Please don't. It's not his fault." He figured Henry was probably hurting more than he was and that he just didn't know how to express it. It was a lame justification and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. Sure, Henry made things worse, but Cayden was running low on family at the moment. He was relieved when she admitted that it wouldn't solve anything. Perhaps it would, in truth, but it wasn't the right answer. He'd already moved out and sworn that he wasn't going back and that was the best he could do. Cayden leaned up when Connie moved and scrubbed at his own eyes as she spoke. He smiled just slightly at the thought of hunting, but that smile died on his lips as he looked at Connie. The anger he'd heard in her voice was reflected in her eyes, but there was a sadness there too. Was that the pity he dreaded or was it something else? "I'll go hunting with you if you tell me why you look like you're either about to kill someone, bust out in tears, or both." He wasn't the only one with issues and he immediately felt guilty for basically making this entire encounter all about him. outfit

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; background-image:url(http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j342/Rockiesaurus/black.png), bTable] 538, Cayden Thomas MurphyOUTFIT ! Connie hoped, prayed, silently that Cayden would feel better now that he had cried out everything that was bothering him. Or at least, Connie hoped it was everything. She couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out when he pulled away, giving her a funny look when she apologized to him. Obviously she had confused him, but she wasn't sure she was ready to tell him that she was sorry for leaving Orion to be with her Uncle. Her laugh died soon enough at his next comment. "Please don't. It's not his fault." Connie felt a little twist in her gut, and she clenched her hands in her lap now that Cayden wasn't sitting there anymore. "You shouldn't defend him like that, Cay," She said, her voice soft. "It is his fault. I understand he's hurting but that doesn't mean he has to take it out on you." She sighed and her hands relaxed again as the one with the cut on it throbbed with a dull pain. She shook her head. "But I won't go into that now." She didn't need to make him feel bad, he already felt horrible she was sure. "I'll go hunting with you if you tell me why you look like you're either about to kill someone, bust out in tears, or both." Connie jerked in surprise. Was she really that obvious? No, she didn't think so. She just thought she was having a harder time lately at keeping herself closed off. With Greg leaving with the pack, she was finding even her legendary control slipping. She rubbed her hands over her face, smearing blood and let out a quiet laugh that held no humor. "Crap, Cayden, if you can tell how I feel I'm worse off than I thought." Not that the boy wasn't observant, but she was usually so good not even the Alpha could tell what she felt. "Oh Cay, maybe you haven't heard yet." She lowered her hands, blood smeared on her right cheek from her palm and just let her hands lay in her lap, the cut visible on her hand. "You remember my Uncle, Greg? Well, he overthrew Angel. Ran her and Andy out of town and took off with Lupus Virtus." Connie lifted her hands, making a motion with them that indicated out of town. "He flitted off, not wanting to have another pack in his territory. And when I didn't immediately obey..." She trailed off, breathing deep. Could she tell him this? She looked at Cayden, the first time since she started speaking, and decided that yeah, she could tell Cayden. Maybe no one else, but she could tell him. "He disowned me in front of the pack, Cayden. He told me I was a good for nothing stray, and he didn't have any strays in his family. For as far as he knew, his sister and her only daughter were both killed by hunters." Her eyes burned gold with the anger of her wolf, but her tone was utterly flat. "He hit me, broke a rib. No one stopped him. Within the next day, him and Lupus were gone. And until I talk to Jason, I guess... I am a good for nothing stray."

BY GABE IS A FWEAK AT CAUTION !

[Cayden Thomas Murphy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #335588 solid; border-bottom: 10px #335588 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 736 ( TAGGED ) open ( WOLF FORM ) CLICKY Cayden had calmed down a great deal, especially considering his state when he'd first left the house. Not home anymore; just the house. He was determined to think of it that way despite having lived there his entire life. A home was supposed to be what you made it and Henry had turned it into a torture chamber. Well, no more. He wasn't going back and if Henry starved himself or blacked out drunk and hit his head or whatever else he could think up to do then it was his own problem. It took a weight off his shoulders even though a good bit of pressure was still on him. It was a few silent moments and he was able to look back on what had happened with a more impartial view. He could see the whole thing play out in his head and he realized, really realized just how bad things had gotten. He should have left years ago. "You shouldn't defend him like that, Cay. It is his fault. I understand he's hurting but that doesn't mean he has to take it out on you." How could he explain? How could he tell her that it was all his fault? If it wasn't for him, his mother would still be alive. Ah, there was that weight again. Guilt, blame, and doubt. Each separate and distinct. It was why he'd almost let himself believe his father when he said he should be dead instead of his mother. It was why he'd spent so much time alone as a kid, hoping to recreate the events that had led to Laura's capture, hoping he could change it this time. Hoping that somehow, impossibly, his mom would come home. But he couldn't tell Connie. He couldn't tell anyone. He, Carter, and Henry were the only ones who knew that truth and even they never spoke of it. Well, at least Cayden and Carter didn't. Henry never said it outright, but the blame there was obvious even without words. Cayden took a deep breath when Connie said she wasn't going to get into it, feeling like he'd escaped a death sentence. He watched her, partly wondering if she really was going to drop it and party wondering if she really thought he couldn't see behind her mask. Her rock solid control had worked on him as a kid, but he was older now and he knew what pain looked like. Especially when it was partially covered. He saw it in the mirror every day. He saw it now reflected in Connie's eyes. There had to be more to it than just sadness for him. This ran deeper, furrowing her forehead and making her eyes appear glassy in the dim light. "Crap, Cayden, if you can tell how I feel I'm worse off than I thought." His lips twitched into the beginnings of a smile that quickly slid off his face as she continued. Angel and Andy what? He knew Greg was ambitious, but that was a coward's way. Waiting until the pack was weak? He supposed it was natural, but it still wasn't something he would have done. Even his thoughts went silent as she continued and he stayed that way until she'd finished speaking. In the most basic way possible, he knew exactly how she was feeling. There was anger in his own eyes now, hating that anyone should have to feel that way and starting to truly believe that family was meant to torture you. Lacking Connie's control, his own eyes faded to amber and then to a startling gold with his anger. He wouldn't stand a chance against Greg, but that didn't stop him from wanting to try. Without a word, he scooted closer and placed his hands as gently as possible on the sides of Connie's head before pressing his lips to her forehead. Then he rested his head against hers, making sure to look her in the eye even if she didn't look back. "Family isn't about blood. You're not good for nothing and you are not a stray. I don't care what Jason says." He looked into her eyes a moment longer before dropping his gaze, catching sight of a scratch on her hand. He must have done that. He sighed again and ran his finger along the gash. "Sorry." outfit

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

Casted out

I’m watching your eyes

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i996.photobucket.com/albums/af82/sataraalcaelahn/Lux%20Lunae/bluegradient.jpg');,true][cs=2] Love is like starting over

[atrb=width,240] Connie was starting to calm down after she told her story to Cayden. Apparently, talking about it had helped more than she had thought. Maybe she needed to try that more often if it worked so well. Her eyes were still wolf bright though, and when she opened them, she saw Cayden's were not only wolf bright, but full of fury. She opened her mouth, surprised into saying something, but when he leaned forward and kissed her forehead, she nearly fell over in surprise. Then she let out a soft laugh, even as a solitary tear slid down her cheek. She didn't bother to wipe it away as it left a clean trail through the blood that she had smeared there. She looked back at Cayden as he rested his forehead against hers, and just watched his wolf-gold eyes as he watched hers. "Family isn't about blood. You're not good for nothing and you are not a stray. I don't care what Jason says." "Oh, Cayden," Connie said softly, touched. The pain she had been feeling in her heart was gone, though she knew it was only temporary. Until she talked to Jason about coming back into the pack, she knew the pain would creep back. "I'm glad I found you out here. What a pair we make." She smiled at him as his gaze dropped to her palm and ran a finger across the gash there. She stiffened for a second at a shock of pain, but it faded fast enough. "That isn't your fault," Connie said, shaking her head as she let him look at it. "I should have known better than to try and grab you when you were like that. It doesn't hurt much anymore." She smiled as she flexed her hand, showing him that the scab wasn't going to start bleeding again and smiled. "So, are you ready to go hunting?" She smiled, and felt her skin ripple with the need to change. "I still want to kill something. I'll just picture Greg's face on it."

[atrb=width,100] words , 367 tagged , Cayden Thomas Murphy notes , Wolf Form

table by Kat ;; lyrics by 10 Years

[Cayden Thomas Murphy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #335588 solid; border-bottom: 10px #335588 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 690 ( TAGGED ) open ( WOLF FORM ) CLICKY Cayden still wanted to rip Greg to pieces. That guy had always bugged him. He had been power hungry and always acted like he was better than everyone else. Maybe now that he had a pack of his own, he would change. Unlikely, though. Greg was Greg but if he ever showed up back here it would take all the self control Cayden had not to attack him. Nobody should treat family like he'd treated Connie. He supposed the same could be applied to his own father, but it wasn't the same. Right? Henry had a reason to be the way he was. It was wrong, but it was understandable, at least in part. Laura's death was Cayden's fault, after all. It was only natural for Henry to take his anger out on the person who'd caused him to lose his mate even if that person was his son. Guilt and loss lanced through him again, just as it did every time he thought about what had happened. "Oh, Cayden. I'm glad I found you out here. What a pair we make." His outward anger started to subside, but his inner fury was still burning hot. It always would, whether because of Henry, Greg, or just the moon itself. He managed a half smile, thinking they did make quite a pair. It stunned him a little to realize just how much they had in common, at least in this moment. Both hurting in the same way, if not for the same reasons. It made him feel less alone and helped him to know he could talk to people if he needed to. Not that he would. He still didn't want people to pity him, but he could talk. That was the important part. "It is my fault." Everything was in some way or another. "I was taught to think with my brain, and I wasn't." It was beyond dangerous to lose control like that and more than stupid. He knew better. He also knew better than to let his dad get to him. Cayden shook his head a bit sadly, disappointed in himself. Years ago, he'd taken his father seriously with his biting comments. It had taken a lot of deep thought and support from Carter to realize that he wasn't the horrible person he'd been told he was. Tonight, though... tonight had been different. He'd gone back to caring what Henry said and to believing him when he said it. Already the worry had started up again. Do I really hurt everyone and everything I touch? Should it have been me who died instead of her? Can I do anything right? He snorted at himself and refused to answer his own questions, afraid he wouldn't like the answers. "So, are you ready to go hunting? I still want to kill something. I'll just picture Greg's face on it." Cayden mustered up a grin, figuring that was a good idea. He couldn't bring himself to picture killing anything with his dad's face, but Greg was fair game. Nodding, he stood and looked around by habit, nose pointed into the wind to make sure they were really alone. Then he started shedding clothes, not wanting to ruin them any more than they already were. "If we follow the ridge that runs up behind the pack house, there should be something good back there on the south side." His animal instincts were pumping adrenaline into his system, readying him for a hunt. He wanted to go, to run, to sink his teeth into something that wouldn't get him into trouble. Temporarily forgetting the night's drama, he closed his eyes and relaxed his control. Instantly, muscles ripped and bones snapped. He couldn't have described the sensation if he tried, but it was one of the most painful things he'd experienced. But he was used to it and it was only temporary. After a few seconds at most, his paws hit the light dusting of snow. He shook out his fur, beyond ready to get this show on the road. outfit

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

Casted out

I’m watching your eyes

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i996.photobucket.com/albums/af82/sataraalcaelahn/Lux%20Lunae/bluegradient.jpg');,true][cs=2] Love is like starting over

[atrb=width,240] "It is my fault. I was taught to think with my brain, and I wasn't." Connie sighed. She didn't have the strength to tell him it wasn't his fault. Instead, she just reached out and ruffled his hair as if he was still the pup she remembered so fondly. She wished for those days, they were so much simpler. But those days were over. Maybe now she could make a better go at things. She sighed as she stretched out, trying to get her back to pop. Her hand throbbed dully, and she glanced at it over her head and saw it had turned into a near-scar. She knew it'd fade soon, probably while they were hunting. She glanced back down at Cayden when he suggested here to go for hunting, and she grinned, nodding. She saw he was already shedding clothes to change, and she started doing the same. Like him, she wanted to save the clothes she could. She'd ruined enough over the years to supply a department store... Finally free of restraints, Connie closed her eyes and let her wolf come forward. She sighed into the feeling as bones popped and snapped, reshaping themselves to be more wolf-like instead of human. Fur grew, and thickened, and the rush of endorphins made her her groan as she became full wolf. She stood there on her paws, glorying in the feeling of being wolf. She shook out her fur, tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth as she waited for Cayden. Lifting her head, she let out an almost exuberant howl of triumph. Finally, for the first time in days, she had shed the depression her bastard Uncle had left her in. In her wolf skin, she felt as if nothing could touch her, hurt her like he had hurt her. She felt not invulnerable, but something close to it. Connie wasn't a huge wolf, only about medium sized as far as werewolves went. Her fur was as black as night, only her paws and the tip of her tail breaking up the pure-black fur. Her paws and tail looked as if they'd been dipped in a bucket of white paint. Her tail wagged, and she sneezed to clear her nose. She shook her fur again, and sat to patiently wait for her hunting companion.

[atrb=width,100] words , 400 tagged , Cayden Thomas Murphy notes , Wolf Form! Let's hunt now!

table by Kat ;; lyrics by 10 Years

[Cayden Thomas Murphy]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #335588 solid; border-bottom: 10px #335588 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 384 ( TAGGED ) open ( WOLF FORM ) CLICKY Cayden watched Connie shift. He was used to it, but the process still fascinated him a little bit. He didn't know of any other creature who could do what they just did with barely a thought. Shifting back would be harder and would take focus, but that wasn't the point. Werewolves were just plain awesome and that was all there was to it. Sure, he was one, but that didn't keep him from being proud. He was even more proud now that he was in wolf form. The full moon wasn't so close that he was overly uncomfortable in human form, but this was better. It felt more natural. It was relaxing and intoxicating all at the same time. It was exactly what he needed right now. When Connie howled, Cayden threw his head back and howled with her. He didn't know if it had been talking with her, shifting, or what it was, but he felt more free than he had in a long time. Sure, he was still upset about his dad, still angry at Greg, missing Collin and Maya, and worried about how much Carter had been running himself into the ground, but it was all a bit more distant from him. He'd gotten a lot of it out of his system, and now he was going to forget it until later. He knew he had to face his demons eventually and he'd gotten a start on it today, but now was for hunting. Now was for forgetting even if it was only temporary. Cayden stood and looked at Connie, unable to stop his tail from wagging. Feeling rather playful, especially after the hair-ruffling from earlier, he ducked down with his ass in the air-a clear challenge. Come get me. Then he took off into the trees. He was slow as dirt, so it shouldn't take much for Connie to catch up and once she did, he'd let her take point as the delta. It was easy for him to leave his problems behind him and just focus on running, on paws against the ground and wind in his fur. Like this, nothing existed except the hunt. And hunters, of course, but he wasn't thinking about that right now. He'd cross that bridge if and when he got there. outfit

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5