Nightmares and Memories {Jason}

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

Casted out

I’m watching your eyes

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i996.photobucket.com/albums/af82/sataraalcaelahn/Lux%20Lunae/bluegradient.jpg');,true][cs=2] Love is like starting over

[atrb=width,240] Pain exploded in her cheek and she staggered, falling hard into the floor, knocking over a table. As she got up, pain exploded in her ribs, then her back as she struck a wall. In this dream, Connie didn't fight back. She just took it as her Uncle wailed on her again and again, leaving more bruises, leaving a deeper wound in her already aching heart. "I want nothing to do with a good for nothing stray." It was the last thing he said to her before he left her alone, broken on the floor... Connie jolted upright in bed, heart racing. Her long hair tumbled around her face, blocking her view of her dark bedroom. She shook, violently as she tried in vain to shake off the nightmare. Taking deep breaths, Connie brushed her hair back with one unsteady hand, looking at the clock. 3:23 a.m. Connie blew out a breath, her hair swinging as she lowered her head again, face in her hands. After a few minutes to settle her heart, Connie got out of bed. This wasn't the first night she had relived her memory of finding her uncle as the new pack alpha, and Angel and Andy having been run off. She also knew she wouldn't be getting back to sleep. She was only thankful that it was now very early on Saturday morning instead of on a school day, where she'd be foul tempered and having to deal with children who were just starting to learn to be bratty. She loved kids, but after the nightmare, she didn't even like her reflection in the morning, let alone children. She got dressed and jogged downstairs, grabbing her keys and stuffing them into a jacket. She needed to walk, no matter where it took her. The air was so cold, even Connie shivered despite her elevated temperature. She slowly worked up into a jog, trying to stay warm and trying to outrun the nightmares and memories. By the time she reached the Orion pack house, tears were flowing down her face and she was panting. She hadn't even realized where she was going as she ran, but she knew then that she needed pack. Needed to feel comfort and love in the way only a pack could give. She slowed, and tried to stop her tears. She didn't think she managed it, but her face had gone numb with cold. She tried the back door, and it opened easily, not locked. She had keys, but she wasn't sure she could work them. She hadn't put on gloves, and her fingers were as numb as her face. As she walked in, she moved as quietly as she could. Just the scents of the pack house, of her pack mates, made the pain inside of her ease slightly. She wanted a hug, but didn't want to wake someone, so instead moved into the empty living room. She sat down in a big chair and curled up, pulling a blanket near. It smelled of Jason, and the pain inside her eased a little more. To most people, a betrayal of family might not have seemed like a nightmare. But to Connie, who's only blood family had not only disowned her but had left her behind, the betrayal cut so deep she had nightmares of it fully a month later. Had it truly only been a month? She wasn't sure. It might have been more. It could have even been less. Softly, she cried into the blanket, needing comfort but not knowing how to seek it out. Everleigh was in one of the spare rooms, or had been when Connie had left. Jason had remained adamant that the girl stay at the pack house, at least for a little while. Connie was okay with that, for now anyway. The nightmares she had nearly every night now would wake the girl up as surely as they woke Connie. Connie closed her eyes, and wiped at her cheeks. She thought she heard someone stirring in their room and wondered if she had woken someone after all. She thought she would have felt bad, but just then it wasn't in her. Instead, she just scrunched up tighter in the chair that smelled of Jason, and hoped whoever it was wouldn't see her crying.

[atrb=width,100] words , 719 tagged , Jason notes , Bad dreams

table by Kat ;; lyrics by 10 Years

[Deleted]

Jason had always been an early riser but this early wasn't normal for him. It was only an hour earlier than normal but the poor guy could have used that hour after a day like today. The weather had been rainy and cold and hunting had been more of a challenge than usual, given that the water had helped to wash away scents all around his territory. It had just been one of those days that the big guy had wanted to see an end to.

After putting Everleigh to bed and checking in on Luk, Jason had finally managed to fall asleep for a few hours but it hadn't lasted. He's been awake for the past couple of hours and resigned himself to doing some work on the computer in his room. The sound of the door in the kitchen opening was a surprise. At first, he was afraid that it was his son trying to sneak out and do God knows what but he hadn't heard any footsteps on the stairs so it must have been someone coming in from outside. But who would wander into the pack house at this hour?

Frowning curiously to himself, Jason hoisted himself out of the office chair he was seated in and made his way to his bedroom door. Even before the door was opened wide enough for him to see her, Jason picked up Connie's scent. That alone brought a smile to his face. Pulling the door open completely and peeking out into the dark living room, Jason's smile slipped. It was unusual for Connie to wander in so late. And then he heard it. Sniffling. She was crying...or at least had been. His frown deepened as he finally stepped out of his room and wandered slowly over to the couch. He could just barely make out her shadowed outline as she sat all curled up in the blanket. "Connie?' he called softly. He didn't want to scare her but now he was worried. This whole situation was just so strange. "Hey, what's the matter?" And he gently reached out one of his big hands to lightly touch her cheek. He came away with tears on his fingertips. "What happened?" This just wasn't like her at all. There had to be something very wrong.

====================

[/size][/center]

tagged: person you're writing to
words: word count
notes: notes
lyrics: we are one from the lion king II
credit: LAVIEBOHEME @ caution 2.o

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

Casted out

I’m watching your eyes

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i996.photobucket.com/albums/af82/sataraalcaelahn/Lux%20Lunae/bluegradient.jpg');,true][cs=2] Love is like starting over

[atrb=width,240] Connie curled tighter as she heard footsteps coming down the hall. Her muscles protested at the tight ball she was now curled into, but she didn't care. She didn't want anyone to see her cry. It was so unlike her and she knew it, but in the dark, even the strongest of people weep. But when Jason's scent flooded her a moment later, and his warm hand touched her cheek, fresh tears started to spill over. His voice was gentle as he asked what was wrong, and before she knew it, she had unwound herself and was pressing herself against his hard chest. She wrapped her arms around him, and just cried quietly against him for awhile, unable to speak past the lump in her throat that nearly kept her from breathing. She had no idea how long she sat there against him, crying into his shirt, but eventually the tears slowed, and the memory wasn't as sharp as before. It didn't cut her as badly now, but she knew it was just a matter of time. No matter how much she had cried over it these past days, it still hurt badly to think about. Crying only softened the edges for a little while. Slowly, she came back to herself. She was suddenly ashamed, and drew away a little. She kept her head lowered, not wanting Jason to see her face flushing nearly hot enough to set fire to paper. "Jason I... I'm sorry," She said, and it was obvious she was mortified. Jesus, she came over here crying because of a nightmare? Her face flamed hotter, and she kept her face turned away from him. "I didn't mean to wake you..." She sniffled, and wiped at her face with her hands, wishing the blush to go away. It was only embarrassing her more. "I just... Had a bad nightmare is all. I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't sleep and so I went out jogging... The next thing I knew I was here and I wanted pack, so I just came in. I didn't mean to wake you up..." She trailed off, face flushing hot again. "And now I'm rambling. Great." She rubbed at her face with her hands and shook her head, letting out a shaky laugh. "Christ I feel like a child. I have a bad dream and come running to the alpha to keep me safe from dreams." She finally looked up at him, her face still hot, but her eyes sad and a little sheepish. "I'm sorry," She said again with a sigh, and started to rise. "I should go..." But she didn't want to. She wanted to stay and just let Jason hug her for awhile. She had no idea why her heart started to flutter at the thought, and she shifted, confused and sad and a little nervous. "I'm sorry..." She muttered again, and sighed. What a way to make yourself look like an idiot in front of your alpha...

[atrb=width,100] words , tagged , Jason notes , Bad dreams

table by Kat ;; lyrics by 10 Years

[Deleted]

"Connie?" His confusion only doubled when Connie clung to him and cried. He held her tight, as if just holding her against him would protect her from whatever it was that had clearly scared or hurt her so badly. The alpha remained silent, giving the poor woman a moment to get out whatever emotion was plaguing her. But Jason was worried and it was now bordering fear. Still, he just let one big hand brush her hair lightly, rocking her just a bit, back and forth, hoping that he was helping, if only a little.

"A nightmare? About what?" If anyone knew nightmares, it was Jason. The images that had plagued him for decades after he lost his wife and baby still sometimes got to him and he could tell that whatever Connie's dreams were about, it was clearly affecting her the same way. "No, no. You didn't wake me. Early riser." And he pointed to himself with a bit of a crooked smile. His bright blue eyes were full of concern as he watched her pull away. Her self-consciousness was more than obvious. "Hey....hey...no. Connie, that's what I'm here for. And besides, if you need anything...for any reason. I want to be there for you, ok? Please don't be embarrassed." And he reached for her again.

"You're not a child, Connie. After I lost Amelia and our daughter, I had nightmares for years. There's nothing wrong with being afraid. Everyone feels fear. The real courage comes from admitting it and getting help when you need it." Which is just what Connie had done. "Can I help?" He asked, as he easily slid one of his big, muscled arms around her.

====================

[/size][/center]

tagged: person you're writing to
words: word count
notes: notes
lyrics: we are one from the lion king II
credit: LAVIEBOHEME @ caution 2.o

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

Casted out

I’m watching your eyes

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i996.photobucket.com/albums/af82/sataraalcaelahn/Lux%20Lunae/bluegradient.jpg');,true][cs=2] Love is like starting over

[atrb=width,240] When Jason asked her about the nightmare, part of Connie wanted to clam up and pull away again, but after Jason had reached out to wrap his arms around her again when she had tried to stand, she found she didn't want to leave. She settled back down, and leaned into him, closing her eyes. She sighed and leaned back, but this time it was just to look at him. The problem was, she was embarrassed. And she couldn't just turn it off. She was about to open her mouth and say... What? She really didn't know, when Jason spoke again. This time, it was about Amelia. Connie had never met her, the woman having died long before Connie was born. But Connie knew of her, and of her struggle to bring a child into the world, only for the birth to kill her and the baby. Connie's eyes went sad, but this time her sorrow was all for Jason. She closed her eyes, not wanting him to see her sorrow for him. She didn't know if he would understand. But when he asked if he could help, slipping an arm about her waist, she felt something inside of her relax. "You're helping just by holding me," She said softly as she leaned back against him and breathed in his scent. It was so comforting, and she was starting to think it wasn't just because he was her alpha. No, Connie knew she couldn't keep fooling herself with that. She thought there was something more than that between them, but she didn't want to hope. She knew he still ached over his dead wife and child. Plus, she feared he didn't like her the same way she liked him. She had never had a serious anything before. "The nightmare was about Greg..." Her voice was soft, but she knew she had to tell him. She knew the nightmares would plague her until she told someone. She had only told pieces of it to Cayden and Jason, but not the whole truth. "He texted me right after he ran Angel and Andy out of town, you know. He thought..." She sighed, trailing off to gather her thoughts. "He thought I'd be so proud of him. I think he was planning on making me Beta." She shrugged, but pressed closer to Jason. She needed the comfort he offered if she was going to tell him this. "I confronted him at the pack house." She closed her eyes as she recalled that confrontation. "I went in and found him in the living room. I was... So angry. I couldn't stop once I started talking. I'd lost my control, but for once I don't feel bad for it." Letting out a shaky laugh, she leaned away so she could look up at Jason. She knew this part would anger him, but she was going to tell him anyway. She needed to. "He was so proud of himself. But when I asked him why he ran them off, he said it was because they were weak." Connie sighed, shaking her head. "I liked Angel and Andy. Maybe they weren't the best leaders, but I liked them and I didn't think they were weak. When I told him that, and told him he was the weak one, he got... He got so angry. He told me not to talk of him that way, he was my alpha, yadda yadda." She waved a hand absently in the air before she leaned back on the couch. She tilted her head back until it rested on top of the couch and closed her eyes. She didn't want to look at Jason for this part. "I told him he wasn't my alpha, and his anger got worse. I don't know why I'd never noticed before. I'd made a practice of watching people, but I missed his madness... I don't think I wanted to see it." She sighed softly, sadly. "That was my failing. But I didn't stop there. I told him how weak I thought he was. He couldn't control a pup, let alone a pack. I didn't even get to finish when he hit me." Slowly, Connie reached up and placed a hand on the cheekbone he had bruised. "Smacked me here. It was hard enough to make me fall, but I still got back up after he called me a cur. I nearly cracked his jaw, and I think I broke one of his ribs before he broke two of mine." She reached down and put a hand over the ribs he had broken. "The next thing I knew, I was slumping on the floor after I'd hit the wall. He kicked me while I was trying to gasp for breath, and broke another rib on the other side." She crossed her hands over her ribs as if it still pained her, but it had long since stopped hurting, long since healed. "He told me... He didn't want to see me anymore. Then he spit on me, and turned his back." A tear slid down a pale cheek even as she tried to fight them back. She shook with the effort. The last part stung her more than anything else. More than the bruised cheek and the broken ribs. "He told me not to follow them. And then said... He said 'I want nothing to do with a good for nothing stray.'" Another tear escaped and slid down her cheek, but she didn't open her eyes to look at Jason. The pain from her uncle's betrayal still cut deep, and she didn't want Jason to see any more of her pain. But the tears she couldn't hide, and instead wiped them absently away. "I've been reliving that day ever since in my dreams. Most of the time though I don't fight back, just let him beat me senseless until he leaves. But his parting shot is always the same. Just a good for nothing stray..."

[atrb=width,100] words , tagged , Jason notes , Embarrassed

table by Kat ;; lyrics by 10 Years

[Deleted]

Well, if holding her was helping then he would just continue to do that. Connie leaned against him and his arms tightened around her, taking in her scent as she started to tell him about her nightmare. It had been a lifetime since Jason had felt this for anyone. Of course, Jason had recognized his feelings a while ago now. He knew he felt more than friendship or pack affection for Connie from the moment he saw the woman with Everleigh but it wasn't like he could do anything about it. Hell, he didn't even know if she felt the same way and the last thing he wanted to do was scare her off. Feelings like this were rare. Jason was well aware of that. They say that wolves only mate once in their lifetime but werewolves lived three times as long.

And the feelings he has for Connie were very different than what he had with Amelia. Amelia, herself, had been very different than Connie. Amelia had a strength to her, just as Connie did but Emmie's was different. Her strength came through as a quiet resolve, in silent moments where she would get a look in her eyes and J could tell she was standing her ground. Connie was more outward with her intentions and her strength was straightforward. Connie had spunk and courage.

So, J had sat on his feelings for the woman in his arms now. The last thing he wanted to do was kill his affections before they had truly been realized. Instead, he took what he could when Connie gave it to him. What he had just said before, he had meant with his whole heart. If she needed him, for anything, he would be there and do whatever he could. She would have to make the first move. Jason was nothing if not a gentleman.

And as this woman started to explain her nightmare, Jason couldn't help the growl that escaped his throat. Greg. Of course. This whole mess would eventually lead back to that traitorous bastard, wouldn't it? But hearing Connie describe her courage and how she stood up to the son-of-a-bitch made J smile just a bit to himself. Good for her. Someone had to put the jackass in his place. A little thrill of pride ran through J when Connie revealed that it had been her that had done it.

Then she leaned out of his arms to recline on the couch, her head tilted up and away from him so she couldn't see his face as she revealed the worst part. Greg had beaten her. He had hurt her, physically put his hands on her. He had smacked her and kicked her and even went so far as to break her bones. That was more than Jason could contain. "That stupid son-of-a-bitch!" He spat, only just managing to keep his voice low enough that he wouldn't wake the kids. Everleigh's room was right at the top of the stairs and the very last thing he wanted was for the poor skittish little girl to be startled awake by his angry voice.

Closing his eyes against the raging anger inside, J forced himself to take in several deep breaths before reaching for Connie again. There was no way in hell that he could take not holding her now. He knew she was fine. She was sitting here, right in front of him, whole and safe, but part of him just had to feel her close, to know she was really here and really fine. "If that bastard is ever stupid enough to come back here...Connie, I swear to God, I'll kill him myself!" He wouldn't even hesitate.

It was the pain in Connie's voice that finally started to make his horrible temper subside. His arms tightened around her as he pressed his lips to her hair gently before he spoke. "You're mine now. And he can't touch you. Not ever again. Its his loss, Connie, not yours. He can't hurt you now." Not if J had anything to say about it.

====================

[/size][/center]

tagged: person you're writing to
words: word count
notes: notes
lyrics: we are one from the lion king II
credit: LAVIEBOHEME @ caution 2.o

[Connie Lynn Marshall]

Casted out

I’m watching your eyes

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i996.photobucket.com/albums/af82/sataraalcaelahn/Lux%20Lunae/bluegradient.jpg');,true][cs=2] Love is like starting over

[atrb=width,240] After Connie finished her story, she was startled at Jason's vehement response. She jumped when he snarled that Greg was a stupid son-of-a-bitch, but didn't say anything. She just turned her head to look at him, her eyes soft and sad, but was afraid if she said something he'd start yelling and wake the children up. Before she could do anything, though, Jason reached out and pulled her close again. She sighed, oddly content as she snuggled closer to him. No, she thought. This wasn't just some pack thing, or his alpha power. No, this had nothing to do with werewolves. This was, she realized, how a woman felt towards a man. Attraction, safety, comfort. She realized then, for sure, that she liked Jason in a completely different way than she had been telling herself. Part of her had been afraid to admit it to herself. She wasn't sure when she had started to fall for him. She didn't think she was in love with Jason, not yet at least, but she could feel the potential. It was there, just waiting. "If that bastard is ever stupid enough to come back here...Connie, I swear to God, I'll kill him myself!" That snapped Connie out of her musings. She turned her head to look up at him, though without moving all she could really see was his chin, and his lips. She felt herself flushing a little as she realized she wanted to press her own lips to his, and lowered her head again so she wasn't tempted. "No..." She said, softly. She didn't look at him, but instead she just closed her eyes and sighed with the contentment of it all again. "No. He's mine to kill, Jason. Not yours. But I will let you help if you want." She couldn't help but smile a little at that. The fact that she really wanted to kill her Uncle came as a surprise to her, but not by much. A sigh moved through her again when Jason kissed her hair, and his words had her pausing, confused for a moment before the meaning of them kicked in. "You're mine now. And he can't touch you. Not ever again. Its his loss, Connie, not yours. He can't hurt you now." All she heard, though, was You're mine now. The rest of it felt more like a buzzing inside her head as she turned to look up at him again. At his lips, then trailing her eyes up to meet his. Without really knowing what she was doing, Connie raised herself up and leaned forward, pressing her lips against his gently, hesitantly. She didn't stay there long, her heart racing and face lightly flushed. She pulled away, looking up at Jason. "Yours..." Was the only thing she said, her voice soft, and rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes. Her heart sang with the soft kiss she had given him, and more than a small part of her wished for him to return it.

[atrb=width,100] words , tagged , Jason notes , Embarrassed

table by Kat ;; lyrics by 10 Years

[Deleted]

So, she wants to take out the bastard herself. Well, he could understand that. Jason just smiled, nodding in response. Of course, he would be close by. Greg was anything but trustworthy and J would never let her go near the jackass alone. That just wouldn't be smart.

Then Connie shifted herself and Jason just watched her in confusion for a second. He had no idea what she was doing but it didn't take long for him to figure it out. She leaned up, bringing her mouth to his and kissed him.

At first, J's eyes went wide, just for a split second, though. His mouth responded to hers before she pulled back. Their foreheads were touching and he couldn't help holding her eyes with his. What was that? What did it mean?

"Yours." Was all that she said but it was enough. "Yes. Mine." And a grin filled his features a moment before he reached out for her chin, guiding her lips back to his.

====================

[/size][/center]

tagged: person you're writing to
words: word count
notes: notes
lyrics: we are one from the lion king II
credit: LAVIEBOHEME @ caution 2.o